lisa'S STORY

My earliest memory of joy is performing from the living room fireplace as a young girl. I would sing Barbara Streisand's greatest hits and force my younger sister to use our Fisher-Price flashlight as a spotlight to properly light me. I felt like I was totally in my body and my truest and most authentic self. I feel blessed to have recognized at such a young age the calling on my heart.

I stopped singing and performing shortly after college because I was terrified of failing and the perfectionist in me didn't see a linear path from where I was to where I wanted to be. So. I just gave up. When people asked me about it I said I just didn't love it anymore and that I really wanted to pursue a different path, which I knew was a lie. I had armored up to protect myself against any vulnerability or perceived weakness and failure. I boxed it up, put it away and tried to be someone else.

I pursued a different career path which has been enriching and allowed me to use a different aspect of my skills and gifts, but after I turned 30 something shifted in me and I started to get extremely uncomfortable in my skin. I knew that there was a part of my heart that was untapped and crying out to be seen and heard. My therapist suggested I read Daring Greatly by Brene Brown and it has truly changed my life.

The title of the book comes from a Theodore Roosevelt quote: "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly…" Brene's point is that the only way we can have success is to have failure and that means being vulnerable. When you choose to show up and be seen, you are going to get your ass kicked. If courage is a value you hold, this is most definitely a consequence. She talks about how people in the cheap seats will often be the loudest critics — telling us how we could do it better and maybe even mocking us for trying. That has certainly held me back. But now I consistently remind myself and others, that if you are not also in the arena getting your ass kicked, then I am not interested in your feedback.

Slowly and deliberately I opened myself up to the idea of performing, writing and recording again. When I did that, an opportunity to cantor for a church fell in my lap and has been the most amazing and gentle transition back into using my voice, quite literally, to share the truth of my heart and soul.

I'm now singing every day, working with a voice teacher to refresh and improve my technique and writing music for the first time. I record my own covers and original songs and am just waiting for the next right step. Letting go of what perfection looks like, trusting that my heart is safe and ignoring the critics in the cheap seats. It's terrifying and it's amazing.

But now I consistently remind myself and others, that if you are not also in the arena getting your ass kicked, then I am not interested in your feedback.